We honestly can't remember her name - we just know that she was from out of state and she was Kara's mom. Our paths will probably never cross again; but her words will forever cross our hearts and minds.
Yesterday was our last "family session" in this phase of treatment. We go for a 'lecture' and then a group counseling session with other patients and their family members. The lecture is intended to be educational, and then the group counseling session is for more dialogue and practical support. These sessions are very educational and highly beneficial. We're all there for the same reason and can identify and relate to each other's story. Sometimes our lives and our stories are vastly different, making it seem like we come from such different worlds. Other times our stories are so strickingly similar it makes us feel uneasy - almost like they're telling our story.
Yesterday while we were discussing with the group the role of the family members and how we as a family unit move forward, the group found out we were in the ministry. The group session continued on with not much else being said to that fact. It was as we were packing up at the end of the day that we met Kara's mom.
Kara's mom came up to us in tears - she said she just had to come speak to us to encourage us on in our journey. She said her husband was also a public figure in the community and very active and involved in their Church; and at the age of 35 he became addicted to pain medicine. Her husband looked desperately within the Church for love and support and found himself all alone. Her brother is an alcoholic and sits alone and silent in the pews every Sunday for fear of rejection and shame. Her daughter has followed the same path of addiction and has turned away from Church, feeling more support and encouragement in the world. "We need you, the Church needs you. There is such a need for this to get out. Jesus didn't die on the cross because we were perfect - He died because we were sick. Your ministry is needed!"
Speechless, all I could do was hug her. My heart ached for her and for her pain; and yet my heart was so thankful for the encouragement. She was thrilled to hear of how supportive our Church has been - and said "it gives me hope." Hope.
Hope was mutual that day. She filled us with hope as well. This post is unique in that Chad and I wrote this one together. We are renewed and filled with hope...and chugging along. God uses His people to speak His words...His people like Kara's mom.
"Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. (Romans 5:3-5)
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Monday, May 20, 2013
I've been thinking...
Chad always gets nervous when I say 'I've been thinking'. He fears whatever I'm contemplating is either going to be complicated, embarrassing or expensive. Sadly, he's not always wrong.
Today, I'm preaching (well, really blogging) to the choir. Literally, I'm talking to those of you who have grown-up in Church and have been a Christian practically all your life. I'm talking to you who were (and are) at Church at least 15 minutes before the doors open and 30 minutes after every time the doors are closed. Those of you who attended Sunday School every Sunday and short of being in hospital never dreamed of being able to 'skip church'. Some of the females in this crowd probably weren't ever allowed to wear pants to a service growing up either. Those of you are behind the scenes making sure everything runs smoothly. Those of you who maybe haven't even had the opportunity to sit in a service in ages because you're serving elsewhere in the building. I'm talking to you who do and have done 'every thing right'.
I'm going to rock your boat...I'm talking about 'openness' and 'vulnerability'. I must admit, this is extremely difficult for me. It's it goes against my inner-most being. Everything inside me cries for me shut up and slap on a smile!
I think this openness and vulnerability thing is a challenge for some of us...maybe even most of us who have spent our lives in the Church, or who are now in a leadership role. We are constantly told to 'set the example' or 'be the example'. And I know everyone who told me that growing up had the purest intentions at heart, for goodness sakes I've even told my own kids that. I mean, after all didn't Paul instruct Timothy with those very words. "Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." (1 Timothy 4:12 emphasis mine). And all along the way I know that was my goal...but somewhere between intent and action the meaning became confused.
Somewhere along the way I (and I dare say I'm not alone) took that to mean I had to have it all together. That I had to appear 'struggle-less' (since I'm the one with the blog I can make up words) and that if anywhere along the line I even hinted like things weren't perfect I risked being called a fraud. I'm called to set the example...but instead I built a wall and put on a mask.
I assure you, never for one second has my faith been a fraud, a sham or a cover-up. My Jesus has always been my everything, never was my faith anything but genuine; and I in no way mean to imply that your faith is not real. However, my smiles, my laughs, the "I'm good" responses, there were times those were my attempt to 'set the example'. Somewhere I lost the ability to be real. To be authentic. To let others know that I was struggling.
So here's my thought...what if all Christians everywhere decided to let down our guard? To be authentic. Let others know we struggle. Now, I'm not advocating that you lose your temper and have absolutely no self-control; but let your guard down. Life happens. Loved-ones get sick, families divorce, kids rebel, friends betray, words hurt, spouses cheat, parents abandon and husbands become alcoholics. It's okay to hurt; and it's even okay to be mad (for real!). Instead of focusing all of our energy on making sure we appear to have it all together, let's let the Church be The Church and help us carry our burdens (Galatians 6:2). We all have battles; and in pretending that we don't, we run the risk of ostracizing those who are fighting very real and very visible battles.
I can't lie...it's scary, and without the Holy Spirit it would have been impossible for me. However, I assure you, it's worth it. Let's drop the facade and be true...no more Sunday Morning masks. So set the example, let the world (and the Church!) see you and Christ fight your battles together.
"we have conducted ourselves...with integrity and godly sincerity. We have done so, relying not on worldly wisdom but on God’s grace." (2 Cor. 1:12 emphasis mine)
Today, I'm preaching (well, really blogging) to the choir. Literally, I'm talking to those of you who have grown-up in Church and have been a Christian practically all your life. I'm talking to you who were (and are) at Church at least 15 minutes before the doors open and 30 minutes after every time the doors are closed. Those of you who attended Sunday School every Sunday and short of being in hospital never dreamed of being able to 'skip church'. Some of the females in this crowd probably weren't ever allowed to wear pants to a service growing up either. Those of you are behind the scenes making sure everything runs smoothly. Those of you who maybe haven't even had the opportunity to sit in a service in ages because you're serving elsewhere in the building. I'm talking to you who do and have done 'every thing right'.
I'm going to rock your boat...I'm talking about 'openness' and 'vulnerability'. I must admit, this is extremely difficult for me. It's it goes against my inner-most being. Everything inside me cries for me shut up and slap on a smile!
I think this openness and vulnerability thing is a challenge for some of us...maybe even most of us who have spent our lives in the Church, or who are now in a leadership role. We are constantly told to 'set the example' or 'be the example'. And I know everyone who told me that growing up had the purest intentions at heart, for goodness sakes I've even told my own kids that. I mean, after all didn't Paul instruct Timothy with those very words. "Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." (1 Timothy 4:12 emphasis mine). And all along the way I know that was my goal...but somewhere between intent and action the meaning became confused.
Somewhere along the way I (and I dare say I'm not alone) took that to mean I had to have it all together. That I had to appear 'struggle-less' (since I'm the one with the blog I can make up words) and that if anywhere along the line I even hinted like things weren't perfect I risked being called a fraud. I'm called to set the example...but instead I built a wall and put on a mask.
I assure you, never for one second has my faith been a fraud, a sham or a cover-up. My Jesus has always been my everything, never was my faith anything but genuine; and I in no way mean to imply that your faith is not real. However, my smiles, my laughs, the "I'm good" responses, there were times those were my attempt to 'set the example'. Somewhere I lost the ability to be real. To be authentic. To let others know that I was struggling.
So here's my thought...what if all Christians everywhere decided to let down our guard? To be authentic. Let others know we struggle. Now, I'm not advocating that you lose your temper and have absolutely no self-control; but let your guard down. Life happens. Loved-ones get sick, families divorce, kids rebel, friends betray, words hurt, spouses cheat, parents abandon and husbands become alcoholics. It's okay to hurt; and it's even okay to be mad (for real!). Instead of focusing all of our energy on making sure we appear to have it all together, let's let the Church be The Church and help us carry our burdens (Galatians 6:2). We all have battles; and in pretending that we don't, we run the risk of ostracizing those who are fighting very real and very visible battles.
I can't lie...it's scary, and without the Holy Spirit it would have been impossible for me. However, I assure you, it's worth it. Let's drop the facade and be true...no more Sunday Morning masks. So set the example, let the world (and the Church!) see you and Christ fight your battles together.
"we have conducted ourselves...with integrity and godly sincerity. We have done so, relying not on worldly wisdom but on God’s grace." (2 Cor. 1:12 emphasis mine)
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Theme Song
So apparently I'm not the best at updating a blog. I've been getting some gentle, and slightly sarcastic, reprimands to update more frequently; but for what it's worth, I have some good excuses. :) God is slightly showing off with His timing through it all. I have a cousin that had some major complications from surgery almost a month ago and is still in recovery. All of this has enabled me to stay with her and help out with her care, household stuff and kiddo stuff. There are five kids running around, playing together and just having a ball. I'm happy to be able to help in anyway I can; and it keeps me busy - which is a good thing.
Through all of this we have kind of clung to the story of the Israelites crossing the Red Sea in Exodus. After Pharaoh let the Children of Israel go, through Moses God led His people to the shore of the Red Sea. With a furious Pharaoh and his army hot on their heals, the millions of Israelites felt trapped and betrayed. "They said to Moses, 'Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die?'" (Ex. 14:11) Their future looked bleak, the Egyptian army behind them and the massive Red Sea before them. What were their options? Although the circumstances are different, I understand that valley. I understand dreading what is before you yet hating what is behind you. I've actually told the Lord, "I know I'm in the valley and I definitely don't want to stay here...but I don't know if I want to go through what I have to in order to climb out. It is on this stage that "Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.'" (Exodus 14:13,14 Emphasis mine).
Chad's homework for one of his sessions this week was to come up with a theme song for his recovery. We had some fun with this assignment in the beginning; but when it was all said and done he decided to be grown-up and mature. He picked David Crowder's "Jesus, Lead Me To Your Healing Waters." (Listen to Chad's Theme Song here). He picked this song with Exodus 14:13-14 in mind. Sometimes we're led to the healing waters; however I know I have often grumbled and complained once there about what lies ahead and about what I'm running from.
I thought this was a good idea...finding a theme song. So that's what I did. This song is my prayer. Let It Be Glory! In it all...Let it be glory
Also - Chad did manage to update his blog last night check it out here if you haven't had the chance to read it yet.
Through all of this we have kind of clung to the story of the Israelites crossing the Red Sea in Exodus. After Pharaoh let the Children of Israel go, through Moses God led His people to the shore of the Red Sea. With a furious Pharaoh and his army hot on their heals, the millions of Israelites felt trapped and betrayed. "They said to Moses, 'Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die?'" (Ex. 14:11) Their future looked bleak, the Egyptian army behind them and the massive Red Sea before them. What were their options? Although the circumstances are different, I understand that valley. I understand dreading what is before you yet hating what is behind you. I've actually told the Lord, "I know I'm in the valley and I definitely don't want to stay here...but I don't know if I want to go through what I have to in order to climb out. It is on this stage that "Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.'" (Exodus 14:13,14 Emphasis mine).
Chad's homework for one of his sessions this week was to come up with a theme song for his recovery. We had some fun with this assignment in the beginning; but when it was all said and done he decided to be grown-up and mature. He picked David Crowder's "Jesus, Lead Me To Your Healing Waters." (Listen to Chad's Theme Song here). He picked this song with Exodus 14:13-14 in mind. Sometimes we're led to the healing waters; however I know I have often grumbled and complained once there about what lies ahead and about what I'm running from.
I thought this was a good idea...finding a theme song. So that's what I did. This song is my prayer. Let It Be Glory! In it all...Let it be glory
Also - Chad did manage to update his blog last night check it out here if you haven't had the chance to read it yet.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Stupid Satan
Satan is a stupid meany-head. This afternoon he's made me mad. Very mad. Stupid Satan! (Side note: Every time I hear the word "stupid" my mind instantly goes to when we were younger and some of us older cousins (there's 13 of us total on one side alone) would slip and say our family's version of the 's' word around some of our younger cousins. These little girls were (and still are!) the absolute cutest little girls and they would all three instantly pipe-up in unison and say, "ummmm...we don't say that." Since the youngest of those three adorable girls just finished her freshman year in college I think they can handle the 's' word now.) :)
I say Satan is stupid because I'm mad at him and what he does; I know he's not literally stupid. He's actually quite a clever genius. He knows how to hit you where and when it hurts. This afternoon has been a rough one for me. 99.99% of our family, friends and Church family have been overwhelmingly supportive and loving. Their encouragement and grace have been a lifeline and I literally cannot put into words how grateful I am for all they are doing to support us. But, this afternoon when I'm tired, when my emotions are raw and when I'm exhausted Satan uses that .01% to mess with my mind. Suddenly that's all I can focus on and I'm back in tears a blubbering mess. Today, I ran to Jesus. I poured my heart out to Him, I cried to Him and told Him my hurt...and then I asked for His strength to help me let it go. It's not me, it's not my strength, it's the Holy Spirit.
I wish I could say I knew I was the only one Satan attacked this way. However, I know I'm not. I know he attacks each and every one of us like this. He likes to throw junk in our face to block our view of what God is doing and accomplishing in and around each of us. If he can get us off track just the slightest bit, distract us just a tad...he's got the foothold he needs.
Run to Jesus. Ask Him to remove anything which the devil can use as a foothold. It's my prayer that through all of this the devil cannot claim even one single victory...and it starts with my heart.
Literally as I was typing this blog I get a facebook message from friends and they conclude their very encouraging and up-lifting note with, "Don't let Satan whisper lies into your minds. Keep your eyes on Jesus, he will carry you through." Amen. Talk about a divinely-timed note. And thank you Lord for 100% of my relationships. The 99.99% give me a glimpse of You and of heaven on earth; and the .01% remind me of my desperate need for You and Your arms to carry me through.
Thank you so much for all your continued prayers of support. Yesterday went very well and Chad and I both left the appointment with a sense of peace, for which I am so very grateful. God even gave us a Christian Counselor to do Chad's assessment! Starting today Chad goes Monday-Friday 9am-4pm for group and individual counseling sessions. This was a higher level of treatment than the counselor thought necessary; however he understood Chad's desire to do all that he possibly can so this was the highest level of treatment he could get Chad approved for. I've talked to him a few times throughout the day (mainly been insurance questions); but he did say things were going well. I'll update as I know more. Again, thank you so very much for everything. You all are dearly loved!
"But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me."
I say Satan is stupid because I'm mad at him and what he does; I know he's not literally stupid. He's actually quite a clever genius. He knows how to hit you where and when it hurts. This afternoon has been a rough one for me. 99.99% of our family, friends and Church family have been overwhelmingly supportive and loving. Their encouragement and grace have been a lifeline and I literally cannot put into words how grateful I am for all they are doing to support us. But, this afternoon when I'm tired, when my emotions are raw and when I'm exhausted Satan uses that .01% to mess with my mind. Suddenly that's all I can focus on and I'm back in tears a blubbering mess. Today, I ran to Jesus. I poured my heart out to Him, I cried to Him and told Him my hurt...and then I asked for His strength to help me let it go. It's not me, it's not my strength, it's the Holy Spirit.
I wish I could say I knew I was the only one Satan attacked this way. However, I know I'm not. I know he attacks each and every one of us like this. He likes to throw junk in our face to block our view of what God is doing and accomplishing in and around each of us. If he can get us off track just the slightest bit, distract us just a tad...he's got the foothold he needs.
Run to Jesus. Ask Him to remove anything which the devil can use as a foothold. It's my prayer that through all of this the devil cannot claim even one single victory...and it starts with my heart.
Literally as I was typing this blog I get a facebook message from friends and they conclude their very encouraging and up-lifting note with, "Don't let Satan whisper lies into your minds. Keep your eyes on Jesus, he will carry you through." Amen. Talk about a divinely-timed note. And thank you Lord for 100% of my relationships. The 99.99% give me a glimpse of You and of heaven on earth; and the .01% remind me of my desperate need for You and Your arms to carry me through.
Thank you so much for all your continued prayers of support. Yesterday went very well and Chad and I both left the appointment with a sense of peace, for which I am so very grateful. God even gave us a Christian Counselor to do Chad's assessment! Starting today Chad goes Monday-Friday 9am-4pm for group and individual counseling sessions. This was a higher level of treatment than the counselor thought necessary; however he understood Chad's desire to do all that he possibly can so this was the highest level of treatment he could get Chad approved for. I've talked to him a few times throughout the day (mainly been insurance questions); but he did say things were going well. I'll update as I know more. Again, thank you so very much for everything. You all are dearly loved!
"But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me."
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
The unknown
The unknown is...well, unknown. Therefore for me it is filled with anxiety, causes great uneasiness and is just downright scary. This very 'unknown' factor is why I do not do well with movies. I can't stand not knowing what is coming next and regardless of the genre of movies (yes, even Disney animated ones) I will read the movie spoiler just so I know what's coming next. Chad calls it ruining the movie, I call it proper preparation. In fact, Chad does not even like to watch the same movie twice because he knows what's going to happen. I on the other hand, only really truly enjoy it the second time...pathetic, I know.
Life if full of unknowns for us right now. I don't even have a glimpse of what tomorrow holds; let alone this next week, month or next 3 months. Just imagine how well my fleshly side does with all of this. I all too often find myself a wreck. Afraid. Anxious. Worried. Mad. Burdened. Achy. (I can tell when I'm stressed - all of my muscles and joints ache like my grandma's knees on a rainy day.) None of these are qualities which I am called to possess. Countless times in Scripture we're told not to be afraid. "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" (Matt 6:27). "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matt. 11:30). "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." (Gal. 5:22-23). That list is drastically different than my unchecked fleshly list. Actually, they're polar opposites. Yikes.
My solution? I choose to live in the moment. Unless God drastically changes how He operates, which is totally within His rights, He's not going to write my life plan across the sky, complete with detailed steps and directions. So unless I want to worry myself physically ill, give myself a heart attack and hide-out in my house all day, I'm left with no option but to live in the moment. And actually, I think that's the way He wants it. Ok, who am I kidding...I know that's the way He wants it. When I know what's coming, when I know the plan, when I'm kept up-to-speed on details, I rely on Him and His peace a whole lot less. I like to kid myself and say I'm trusting in Him; but I've always got Plan B up my sleeve and another option in my back pocket. However, when I'm beyond myself in all aspects, when I am forced to operate on strength I know I do not possess in myself, it is then that His power is my source (2 Cor. 12:9). It is then I can feel His presence in such a profound way...and all of a sudden I don't need to have the answers, I just want more of Him. That's dependence.
Many of my friends and loved-ones ask me in some way shape or form how I am doing. I am grateful beyond words for the love and concern; however, I struggle with an appropriate response. I don't mean to be dismissive; but my reply has been and will continue to be "living in the moment". That's all I got. Minute-by-minute I ask God to invade my heart and mind and to help me take every thought captive and make it obedient (2 Cor. 10:5). When life is overwhelming the only way I know how to cope is to take one minute at a time with my Savior. He is good. He is faithful. His grace is sufficient.
All of that being said, tomorrow (Wednesday) is a big day for us. We have an appointment in Indianapolis at a treatment facility. We are hoping to get some answers and a game-plan for the best treatment options. That's literally all I know. Our appointment is at 11:30(EST). I covet prayers for us all. Pray for wisdom, pray for peace, pray for knowledge, pray for the right people, counselors and doctors to be put in our path. Our emotions are raw, pray our heads are on straight for the appointment. Pray we get some rest. Pray the Holy Spirit knocks the socks off all we meet tomorrow; because I'm sure they have yet to encounter the power of God's people praying!
Again - thank you all for everything. The notes, letters, texts, emails, hugs, all of it means more than I could every say. You are loved!
"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3
Life if full of unknowns for us right now. I don't even have a glimpse of what tomorrow holds; let alone this next week, month or next 3 months. Just imagine how well my fleshly side does with all of this. I all too often find myself a wreck. Afraid. Anxious. Worried. Mad. Burdened. Achy. (I can tell when I'm stressed - all of my muscles and joints ache like my grandma's knees on a rainy day.) None of these are qualities which I am called to possess. Countless times in Scripture we're told not to be afraid. "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" (Matt 6:27). "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matt. 11:30). "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." (Gal. 5:22-23). That list is drastically different than my unchecked fleshly list. Actually, they're polar opposites. Yikes.
My solution? I choose to live in the moment. Unless God drastically changes how He operates, which is totally within His rights, He's not going to write my life plan across the sky, complete with detailed steps and directions. So unless I want to worry myself physically ill, give myself a heart attack and hide-out in my house all day, I'm left with no option but to live in the moment. And actually, I think that's the way He wants it. Ok, who am I kidding...I know that's the way He wants it. When I know what's coming, when I know the plan, when I'm kept up-to-speed on details, I rely on Him and His peace a whole lot less. I like to kid myself and say I'm trusting in Him; but I've always got Plan B up my sleeve and another option in my back pocket. However, when I'm beyond myself in all aspects, when I am forced to operate on strength I know I do not possess in myself, it is then that His power is my source (2 Cor. 12:9). It is then I can feel His presence in such a profound way...and all of a sudden I don't need to have the answers, I just want more of Him. That's dependence.
Many of my friends and loved-ones ask me in some way shape or form how I am doing. I am grateful beyond words for the love and concern; however, I struggle with an appropriate response. I don't mean to be dismissive; but my reply has been and will continue to be "living in the moment". That's all I got. Minute-by-minute I ask God to invade my heart and mind and to help me take every thought captive and make it obedient (2 Cor. 10:5). When life is overwhelming the only way I know how to cope is to take one minute at a time with my Savior. He is good. He is faithful. His grace is sufficient.
All of that being said, tomorrow (Wednesday) is a big day for us. We have an appointment in Indianapolis at a treatment facility. We are hoping to get some answers and a game-plan for the best treatment options. That's literally all I know. Our appointment is at 11:30(EST). I covet prayers for us all. Pray for wisdom, pray for peace, pray for knowledge, pray for the right people, counselors and doctors to be put in our path. Our emotions are raw, pray our heads are on straight for the appointment. Pray we get some rest. Pray the Holy Spirit knocks the socks off all we meet tomorrow; because I'm sure they have yet to encounter the power of God's people praying!
Again - thank you all for everything. The notes, letters, texts, emails, hugs, all of it means more than I could every say. You are loved!
"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3
Friday, May 3, 2013
Comes back to bite 'ya
Having kids has taught me a lot. For instance, I can feed children, talk on the phone and balance our checkbook all at the same time. I can take a four-year-old to a public restroom and successfully not have him touch anything, only to have him lick the stall door on our way out. I can have a full-length conversation with my husband spelling every other word; and I can manage to have an adult conversation without using the word "potty" once...sometimes.
But sometimes there are those things that come back to bite ya. Like when daddy burps at the table, or when I slip and say "gosh"...Malachi's memory is suddenly impeccable and he is quick to point out our errors. However, sometimes our kids teach us lessons.
For quite awhile now Chad has taught our kids to be "good listeners and good leaders". We pray that, we challenge them with those words and almost every time we are going to be away from each other these words are a part of our goodbyes. So, this weekend Chad and I had the opportunity for an unexpected date-night away due to a car being in the shop in Ohio. We're saying our goodbyes to our little guys and as we're walking away Malachi yells, "Be good leaders and good listeners!"
As we walked away chuckling and beaming with pride at how great a kid he is, I thought, 'What a great and humbling reminder!'. I guess that's what it boils down to. Just trying to make it through the day being a good listener and a good leader. Listening to my Savior and leading my kids. I pray I am found faithful.
On another note - I hate that we were not able to be at our Church's 50th Anniversary Celebration this evening. The car situation extended our stay in Ohio one more night. Our plan is to make the trek home tomorrow afternoon to be at the festivities tomorrow evening.
"Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight" Psalm 119:35
But sometimes there are those things that come back to bite ya. Like when daddy burps at the table, or when I slip and say "gosh"...Malachi's memory is suddenly impeccable and he is quick to point out our errors. However, sometimes our kids teach us lessons.
For quite awhile now Chad has taught our kids to be "good listeners and good leaders". We pray that, we challenge them with those words and almost every time we are going to be away from each other these words are a part of our goodbyes. So, this weekend Chad and I had the opportunity for an unexpected date-night away due to a car being in the shop in Ohio. We're saying our goodbyes to our little guys and as we're walking away Malachi yells, "Be good leaders and good listeners!"
As we walked away chuckling and beaming with pride at how great a kid he is, I thought, 'What a great and humbling reminder!'. I guess that's what it boils down to. Just trying to make it through the day being a good listener and a good leader. Listening to my Savior and leading my kids. I pray I am found faithful.
On another note - I hate that we were not able to be at our Church's 50th Anniversary Celebration this evening. The car situation extended our stay in Ohio one more night. Our plan is to make the trek home tomorrow afternoon to be at the festivities tomorrow evening.
"Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight" Psalm 119:35
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Brace yourself...
You know, life is funny sometimes. I've always wanted to start a blog; but have always felt like I didn't really have anything to say or write about. Then bam...one day I've got more to say than anyone would ever want to read and ironically I don't want to tell anyone what I have to say. Life is funny. I know our story must be shared; but it's not easy.
I kind of wonder how David would have felt if social media would have been around in 1000BC. Would he have confessed on facebook and started his own blog on he and Bathsheba's journey to healing? I'm sure Jerusalem would have been glued to their smartphones trying to stay in contact with their beloved king. Despite it all, King David was loved, he was broken, he was healed...he was a man after God's own heart.
So, here we are some 3000 years later; and we've got our own news to share. We're broken, we truly desire to know and follow God's heart, we are on the road to healing, and we are loved. Even as I type this, my hands are shaking, I feel sick to my stomach and I want to delete everything I've typed and put on a happy face. It's easier to pretend it's all okay. However, I want God to be glorified. So...here goes...
(I know, get to the point already, Meg...)
This past Sunday Chad confessed to our beloved church his battle with Alcoholism. Yes, you read that correctly. My husband is an alcoholic.
I promise you, never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that last sentence would ever come from my mouth. Trust me, it's taken me a long time to even be able to admit the truth to myself, let alone out loud to others. I mean, for real, the man didn't even drink when I married him 11 years ago. We've gone from zero alcohol to full-blown alcoholic. I can't walk you through the steps on how we got to were we are, I can't even answer a lot of the questions you might have...I just don't know. All I know is where we are; and where I'm trusting God will lead us.
Before I go any farther, I want to apologize to some who might be wishing I would have told you another way than over a blog on facebook. I'm sorry. I truly am. I love you all, I truly do. This is hard, really hard. I still can't get through a conversation without the 'ugly-cry' waterworks. I'm asking for grace. I wish I was strong enough to call each one of you or just show up and tell you in person; but I'm just not. Believe me, stating the facts here is more than I can handle. Please just remember, I love you all!
Our church has been incredible and I am overwhelmed. The elders have been working with Chad in his recovery and have been gracious, sympathetic and understanding since last December (2012) when all of this came to light. I can honestly say it's their hearts desire to do the will of our Father, and this last Sunday when the entire congregation was informed, I saw Christ. We were hugged by His hands, we were comforted with His words, and we were loved with His love.
The Church has given Chad a 90-day sabbatical to focus on his recovery and healing. This blog is designed to stay-in-touch with everyone and keep informed those that wish to walk this journey with us. I do not know where this journey will lead and I am trusting God to give me just enough light for the next step.
On this path I will be unashamed; and yes, I know I spelled 'dependance' wrong...but I believe one day I'll dance. :) Chad has also started a blog (unashameddependents) and will use it to update as he is able to. We are unashamed, we are dependent and we are His dependents.
He is good. He is faithful.
"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31
I kind of wonder how David would have felt if social media would have been around in 1000BC. Would he have confessed on facebook and started his own blog on he and Bathsheba's journey to healing? I'm sure Jerusalem would have been glued to their smartphones trying to stay in contact with their beloved king. Despite it all, King David was loved, he was broken, he was healed...he was a man after God's own heart.
So, here we are some 3000 years later; and we've got our own news to share. We're broken, we truly desire to know and follow God's heart, we are on the road to healing, and we are loved. Even as I type this, my hands are shaking, I feel sick to my stomach and I want to delete everything I've typed and put on a happy face. It's easier to pretend it's all okay. However, I want God to be glorified. So...here goes...
(I know, get to the point already, Meg...)
This past Sunday Chad confessed to our beloved church his battle with Alcoholism. Yes, you read that correctly. My husband is an alcoholic.
I promise you, never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that last sentence would ever come from my mouth. Trust me, it's taken me a long time to even be able to admit the truth to myself, let alone out loud to others. I mean, for real, the man didn't even drink when I married him 11 years ago. We've gone from zero alcohol to full-blown alcoholic. I can't walk you through the steps on how we got to were we are, I can't even answer a lot of the questions you might have...I just don't know. All I know is where we are; and where I'm trusting God will lead us.
Before I go any farther, I want to apologize to some who might be wishing I would have told you another way than over a blog on facebook. I'm sorry. I truly am. I love you all, I truly do. This is hard, really hard. I still can't get through a conversation without the 'ugly-cry' waterworks. I'm asking for grace. I wish I was strong enough to call each one of you or just show up and tell you in person; but I'm just not. Believe me, stating the facts here is more than I can handle. Please just remember, I love you all!
Our church has been incredible and I am overwhelmed. The elders have been working with Chad in his recovery and have been gracious, sympathetic and understanding since last December (2012) when all of this came to light. I can honestly say it's their hearts desire to do the will of our Father, and this last Sunday when the entire congregation was informed, I saw Christ. We were hugged by His hands, we were comforted with His words, and we were loved with His love.
The Church has given Chad a 90-day sabbatical to focus on his recovery and healing. This blog is designed to stay-in-touch with everyone and keep informed those that wish to walk this journey with us. I do not know where this journey will lead and I am trusting God to give me just enough light for the next step.
On this path I will be unashamed; and yes, I know I spelled 'dependance' wrong...but I believe one day I'll dance. :) Chad has also started a blog (unashameddependents) and will use it to update as he is able to. We are unashamed, we are dependent and we are His dependents.
He is good. He is faithful.
"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)