The unknown

The unknown is...well, unknown.  Therefore for me it is filled with anxiety, causes great uneasiness and is just downright scary.  This very 'unknown' factor is why I do not do well with movies.  I can't stand not knowing what is coming next and regardless of the genre of movies (yes, even Disney animated ones) I will read the movie spoiler just so I know what's coming next.  Chad calls it ruining the movie, I call it proper preparation.  In fact, Chad does not even like to watch the same movie twice because he knows what's going to happen.  I on the other hand, only really truly enjoy it the second time...pathetic, I know. 

Life if full of unknowns for us right now.  I don't even have a glimpse of what tomorrow holds; let alone this next week, month or next 3 months.  Just imagine how well my fleshly side does with all of this.  I all too often find myself a wreck.  Afraid.  Anxious.  Worried.  Mad.  Burdened.  Achy. (I can tell when I'm stressed - all of my muscles and joints ache like my grandma's knees on a rainy day.)  None of these are qualities which I am called to possess.  Countless times in Scripture we're told not to be afraid.  "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" (Matt 6:27).  "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matt. 11:30).  "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." (Gal. 5:22-23).  That list is drastically different than my unchecked fleshly list.  Actually, they're polar opposites.  Yikes.  

My solution? I choose to live in the moment.  Unless God drastically changes how He operates, which is totally within His rights, He's not going to write my life plan across the sky, complete with detailed steps and directions.  So unless I want to worry myself physically ill, give myself a heart attack and hide-out in my house all day, I'm left with no option but to live in the moment.  And actually, I think that's the way He wants it.  Ok, who am I kidding...I know that's the way He wants it.  When I know what's coming, when I know the plan, when I'm kept up-to-speed on details, I rely on Him and His peace a whole lot less.  I like to kid myself and say I'm trusting in Him; but I've always got Plan B up my sleeve and another option in my back pocket.  However, when I'm beyond myself in all aspects, when I am forced to operate on strength I know I do not possess in myself,  it is then that His power is my source (2 Cor. 12:9).  It is then I can feel His presence in such a profound way...and all of a sudden I don't need to have the answers, I just want more of Him.  That's dependence.

Many of my friends and loved-ones ask me in some way shape or form how I am doing.  I am grateful beyond words for the love and concern; however, I struggle with an appropriate response.  I don't mean to be dismissive; but my reply has been and will continue to be "living in the moment".  That's all I got.  Minute-by-minute I ask God to invade my heart and mind and to help me take every thought captive and make it obedient (2 Cor. 10:5).  When life is overwhelming the only way I know how to cope is to take one minute at a time with my Savior.  He is good.  He is faithful.  His grace is sufficient.

All of that being said, tomorrow (Wednesday) is a big day for us.  We have an appointment in Indianapolis at a treatment facility.  We are hoping to get some answers and a game-plan for the best treatment options.  That's literally all I know.  Our appointment is at 11:30(EST).  I covet prayers for us all.  Pray for wisdom, pray for peace, pray for knowledge, pray for the right people, counselors and doctors to be put in our path.  Our emotions are raw, pray our heads are on straight for the appointment.  Pray we get some rest.  Pray the Holy Spirit knocks the socks off all we meet tomorrow; because I'm sure they have yet to encounter the power of God's people praying!

Again - thank you all for everything.  The notes, letters, texts, emails, hugs, all of it means more than I could every say.  You are loved!

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3